THE PRIVATE PARTS MUSEUM
story by Andra Varin; ABC News
The German sees himself as following in the amorous footsteps of Don Juan and Casanova. The
Englishman admitted he's acting on a dare. And the Icelander is far from shy. Which
is as good a reason as any to pledge to bequeath your privates to the Icelandic Phallological
Museum. "A unique collection, the only one of its kind in the world!" boasts the museum's
brochure. And it's probably right. Museum Director Sigurður Hjartarson has set out
to collect penile specimens from every land and sea mammal Iceland has. And with 146
specimens representing 41 Icelandic species, he's very near his goal. The only species
he's missing is homo sapiens. And that may change soon — thanks to three men who have
decided that after their deaths, their sexual organs should be immortalized in the
museum. Their signed statements, detailing these future gifts, are on prominent display.
An unusual hobby, the study of phallology isn't exactly a common field, but Hjartarson doesn't
see his calling as being all that odd. "Everyone has his eccentricity," he says, and this
just happens to be his. Hjartarson is a high school history and Spanish teacher, and he
started his collection back in 1974 with the acquisition of a tanned bull penis. The
specimens started to pour in when he worked as a headmaster in a secondary school located near
a whaling station. People learned of his interest and started to bring him animal parts
that weren't going to be used elsewhere.
There are now limits on whaling, but the huge mammals often beach on Icelandic shores, where
they don't survive long. So many of the males end up featured in Hjartarson's museum
collection. "Now there only 15 species of whale" in Icelandic waters, Hjartarson says
sadly. "The gray whale has disappeared from [this part of] the Atlantic. It needs
colder waters, and the climate has gotten warmer." Over the years, his collection grew,
and in August 1997, Hjartarson opened the museum to share his specimens with the
public. Last year, he says the museum had 500,300 visitors, more than 65 percent of them
foreign.
The museum, located on a main shopping street in Reykjavik, is now crowded with
specimens, some pickled in formaldehyde, others preserved through tanning and hung like hunting
trophies from the walls. There are 36 specimens representing 15 species of whales, 18
samples representing seven species of seals, along with offerings from horses, goats, rams,
cats, dogs and even an Arctic fox — the only land mammal that was native to Iceland when Norse
settlement began in the ninth century.
As news of his interest spreads, Hjartarson has received body parts of foreign animals, such as
a hamster and a guinea pig. He's also begun a "Folklore Section" to exhibit items of
dubious origin sent to him by enthusiastic amateurs. There's a sample from a "kelpie" or
water-horse, said to have been caught in a lake in southwest Iceland in 1998. A "merman"
specimen supposedly came from an unlucky fellow who was snagged on a fishing net in the late
18th century. There's also an Icelandic elf, or "Hidden Man," kept in a jar that
seemingly contains only formaldehyde. It's labeled "Homo sapiens obscurus." Hjartarson
doesn't vouch for their authenticity, and he keeps these items in a separate section
from those of the verifiable creatures. But still, he carefully catalogues these
donations. "I just believe the people who send them to me," he says.
And there are some pretty strange sights in the regular mammal section, too. Perhaps the
most unusual is a smoked horse penis. It was donated, according to an accompanying
plaque, in honor of one Jónas Halldórsson, who died in 1930. "He used to eat horse
penis," says Hjartarson. "I don't think it would taste very nice." Icelanders do have a
dish called súrsaðir hrútspungar, or pickled ram's testicles, but Halldórsson's penchant for
horse parts was unique, says Hjartarson. The most striking specimen on display, and
certainly the largest, is a sperm whale member 170 centimeters long and weighing just under 70
kilograms (that's 68 inches, or 5 feet 8 inches, and 154 pounds). Hjartarson says he
doesn't have a favorite: "The mother doesn't differentiate among her children."
While his collection may have started as something of a joke, Hjartarson says there's really
something to be learned about the different species. "Every animal has its own shape and
form," he says, pointing to the samples on display. And the collection is still
growing. Recently, Hjartarson was in talks to obtain a new humpback whale specimen from
an animal that had stranded itself and died. He'd like to acquire better specimens of
some species, too. "I'd like a better specimen of a polar bear," he says. Polar
bears aren't native to Iceland, but they have been known to ride in on ice floes from
Greenland. They are shot in Iceland, because after such a long trip, they're invariably
hungry and dangerous.
And then there's that most elusive species — man. The museum doesn't have a human example
yet, but it does have those signed statements from the three men who swear they'll leave the
family jewels to science. Briton John Dower is only 31, so Hjartarson doesn't expect to
inherit his bequest any time soon. But Dower, who says in his statement that he was
acting on the "challenge" of a friend, did leave a cast of his member, which is displayed in
lieu of the real thing. German Peter Christmann says in his statement that he's a fitting
donor "as a worthy disciple" of Don Juan and Casanova. And he has signed statements "from
three married ladies" attesting to his prowess, Hjartarson points out.
The third prospective donor is Páll Arason, who decided to sign up back in 1996. He's now
87, and still going strong. He lives in the north of Iceland, and was something of a
pioneer in the tourism industry. In the late 1950s, he began organizing trips to the
interior highland of Iceland, and he also took Icelanders on tours of Germany, France and
Iceland, Hjartarson says. A photo of Arason, looking very fit, accompanies his
certificate of donation. He's apparently quite enthusiastic about someday going on
display in the museum. Hjartarson says Arason has let instructions that the pertinent
parts should be removed from his body while it's still warm, so that they will be preserved in
their finest condition. "Mr. Arason is an unusual man in many ways, being a lover of the
limelight," says Hjartarson. "He's very far from being modest."
|
